In my practice, I often meet clients who find themselves repeatedly moving from one unfulfilling relationship to the next. They seem to be caught in a cycle of unhappiness and self-sabotage; never quite obtaining a sense of contentment. A feeling of being ‘stuck’ is commonly expressed during therapy. Sadly, for many, financial and social support structures are lacking which makes it difficult to improve their circumstances. However, there are others who, despite having access to the necessary resources, struggle with the decision to end dysfunctional relationships. To the contrary, these individuals seem to be attracted to partners who are inconsistent or otherwise emotionally depriving. To them dysfunctional relationships are the norm.
At first glance, it may seem paradoxical for an individual to actively pursue an unsatisfying relationship. However, research has found an association between adult attachment patterns and early life experiences. These findings indicate that troubling and difficult childhood dynamics are unconsciously re-created during later life stages. For example, individuals who lacked sufficient affection and nurturance during childhood tend to be attracted to emotionally depriving partners. Those who were constantly belittled may find themselves dating critical or rejecting partners. The individual who yearned for unattainable parental recognition may become overly complaint in later relationships in an attempt to seek approval and to avoid rejection. Although these relational patterns are destructive and often leaves one feeling unfulfilled, they also feel safe and are somewhat familiar; unfortunately, they are all one knows. Dysfunctional childhood dynamics are often replayed in the hope of experiencing a different, perhaps more favourable, outcome. Sadly, however, relationship difficulties tend to mirror relational challenges encountered during early childhood.
Clients benefit from exploring their relationship patterns in therapy and from obtaining a holistic understanding of their relational dynamics within the context of early life experiences. A non-judgemental and safe therapeutic space provides the impetus for clients to examine and challenge their habitual ways of relating. With increased insight, clients are able to make healthier relationship choices thereby allowing them to break free from the shackles of the past.
At first glance, it may seem paradoxical for an individual to actively pursue an unsatisfying relationship. However, research has found an association between adult attachment patterns and early life experiences. These findings indicate that troubling and difficult childhood dynamics are unconsciously re-created during later life stages. For example, individuals who lacked sufficient affection and nurturance during childhood tend to be attracted to emotionally depriving partners. Those who were constantly belittled may find themselves dating critical or rejecting partners. The individual who yearned for unattainable parental recognition may become overly complaint in later relationships in an attempt to seek approval and to avoid rejection. Although these relational patterns are destructive and often leaves one feeling unfulfilled, they also feel safe and are somewhat familiar; unfortunately, they are all one knows. Dysfunctional childhood dynamics are often replayed in the hope of experiencing a different, perhaps more favourable, outcome. Sadly, however, relationship difficulties tend to mirror relational challenges encountered during early childhood.
Clients benefit from exploring their relationship patterns in therapy and from obtaining a holistic understanding of their relational dynamics within the context of early life experiences. A non-judgemental and safe therapeutic space provides the impetus for clients to examine and challenge their habitual ways of relating. With increased insight, clients are able to make healthier relationship choices thereby allowing them to break free from the shackles of the past.
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